can't get over myself

HB has been trying to make plans with me all week in his unreliable way.  I assume he wants to see me because I told him I had a present for him.  So he showed up at the bar last night, with his girlfriend, Yankee Girl.  Which is fine, just he doesn't usually bring her out with me.  Ever.  And she's okay, I don't dislike her, I just, ugh, you know, she's never going to be good enough for him in my mind.  She's certainly pretty enough, but she's not that interesting and she and I really don't share any interests.  Even the things that cross over we come at from such different directions.  And I'm not making excuses, I know I'm not going to like her simply because she is his girlfriend, but even trying to be objective, I just can't find things about her that interest me.

Anyway, they came up and we hung out and talked, mostly about my day job, as YG and I have many mutual social acquaintances through work.  Mostly I stared at her and tried not to think that she was temporary and he was really mine.  Although I sort of even get the sense that she felt that way.  HB sat across from me, and she sat at the end of the table with an empty seat between us and her.  He asked after my family and about how my mom was doing and the whole thing was sort of stilted and weird.  And then when we left he kept saying he'd see me Saturday, though I don't recall making any plans with him.

It does not matter how much I tell myself I am over HB.  It's so not true.  It's fine.  I just need to make sure it stays like this: friendly, easy, with just me being judgmental and filled with a tolerable, low-level ache.  That I can bear.  Probably for the rest of my life if I have too.  I do not want to feel like I am pining for him, like I am missing out by not having more than his friendship.  I don't not want to feel more lonely because of his absence from my romantic life.