30 posts tagged “dating”
I set out for work. It's snowing. Yuck. I expect it to be dead at work, but no, it's super busy, the bar is packed. I look good, BND from yesterday's post is supposed to meet me for a drink after I get off work around 9:30-ish. We're busy. It thins out. At 9:10 HMP walks in. Of course, because I couldn't have normal date with a nice seeming boy without some complications. HMP's grandmother just died, he's going home tomorrow, and his boyhood friend has been threatening suicide in email all day. AUGH. And it's me he comes to. Which I appreciate, but still. I get him a drink. DD tells me to just clock out she gets me a drink. I chat with HMP for a bit and then my phone rings. It's BND. I'll just transcribe the conversation for you:
me: Hello?
BND: Is this Lucy?
me: yeah
BND: Hi, uh, this is BND, I think we talked the other night?
me (confused): we did, yes.
BND: Well I was so drunk I couldn't remember if I said I'd come meet you tonight or said maybe or what.
me: ...
me: I think we said maybe
BND: Well, I'm not going to be able to make it up there tonight.
me: okay
BND: so, well, talk some time soon?
me: no, you don't need to call me again
BND: okay sorry.
me: bye
BND: bye
REALLY? I mean sure, I'm glad I know he's a fucking idiot before I wasted any time on him, but REALLY? Not even smart enough to say he just can't make it, or something, anything else. He was too drunk when he called me to remember what he said to me. Awesome. Another keeper.
So I got off the phone, told HMP the whole story and he amused himself by making other possible excuses BND could have used which was pretty funny. Then HMP left and I hung out with some of our regulars and bonded with DD over the incredible stupidity of boys. Then I scraped 2 inches of snow off my car and drove home.
Now, I sitting here staring at my MySpace inbox, which contains another message from CK. I can't decide if I should read it now and risk being so pissed I don't sleep. Or if I should just let it go and worry about it tomorrow, later, some other time.
Two things: 1) I have the perfect plan for what to with the returned gift from CK. It's clothing so I am going to give it to HB and feel smug every time he wears it. 2) This boy I see around the hood, we'll call him Boy Next Door, is very cute. Friday night I left my card for him, with his coworker so he could pretend he next got it. Well he got it and called tonight. I am in a much better mood now. Plus DD brought us dinner and DD and FF sat around talking about beating CK to death with a shovel. Yes, I feel much better.
Do you guys remember CMB? Well he came into the bar last night for the first time in months. As he was coming in, someone he knew was going out, and while CMB clearly was trying to initiate conversation with me, his friend waylaid him just long enough for me to get really busy. 10 minutes later when I had a second, CMB was gone, gone, gone. He managed to say hi, wish me a happy Valentine's Day, and look like he had something else to say and that was it. Boo. I don't even want to date him. Last night in my feverish state I was amusing (or at least occupying) myself, b thinking about what would happen if I told him that I thought we had a connection, but I didn't want to do more than sex him, and then maybe, whatever, we'd see where it went. There's surely very few guys that would object to this. I'd never do it though, well never with CMB, other guys maybe. Anyway, I don't think I'm even making sense. I'm utterly sleep deprived.
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Last night I was so miserable, feverish, congested, exhausted, alone. I guess I could have woken up FF or one of my other friends and had them go to the all-night pharmacy for me, but I didn't. Instead I laid in bed and thought about how being sick is the most miserable and lonely part of being single. About how, though we had our problems, my ex-husband would have gotten up and dressed in the middle of the night and gone to the store to get something to make me feel better. Which since I couldn't sleep led me to wonder how, nine years after we divorced, he could still even cross my mind. And I remembered that I dreamt about him the other night. A dream in which he was remodeling his house with all these amazing skylight filled rooms and suddenly I found myself outside his house, admiring the remodel and how he'd made it look like a fairytale castle but I couldn't get inside, I could only appreciate it from the outside, while my ex-husband and his new family were inside. I'd just like to give my brain a big, F- You for that bit of sleep psychology. Ugh.
Despite all that I feel okay today, I mean still hideously sick, but not really miserable.
There's this guy, we'll call him Married Drummer Boy (MDB), who plays at my bar a lot. I've seen him probably a couple times a week over the last couple months. He's cute. We started talking more and more about a month ago and I mentioned to DD that I thought he was cute. She replied, "Sooooo cute, too bad he's married." Boo. So I wrote him off. As you do. Alas, I still see him all the time, talk to him often and man, why are all the good ones married? Recently he's started touching me. Just a friendly shoulder squeeze when he comes in, if I am too busy to say "hi." I've complained before about unwelcome touching from guys, but this is welcome, but also friendly, casual and not at all icky. When I talk to him he goes out of his way to ask me about my art projects, to bring up things from past conversations, to ask how my week was. He was clearly very shy at first and is becoming more and more comfortable with me and friendly and funny and open. I found myself laying in bed last wondering if DD was wrong, maybe he's not married at all, maybe she confused him with the bass player or something. Hope springs eternal. The things is, of the guys in his band that are married, their wives all come down and hang out occasionally, see the show, whatever. In eight months, I've never seen his wife. She exists, I'm sure she does, but man, it would be so much easier if I could talk to her and satisfy myself that he was happily married. In the mean time, I'll keep hoping.
I was fantasizing about what I want from a relationship currently this week and it occurred to me that what I really want is a lover who will appear as I am getting ready for bed and we can talk about our days and things we've been thinking about. Then we could snuggle or have sex or what ever. On week days I'd like to be snuggled and kissed awake (morning sex on weekends) and then I can just go about my day. A date night or so once a week, dinner, whatever, a movie TV watching together and then gone. I'd rather not negotiate the complications, financial, or otherwise, with this person, so just a lover, at least in the short term (next year or so). Not asking too much, really? Ha! Okay, I might be flexible on the show up every night part, but still, is it too much?
So HMP. Ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am amused. I have no desire to date him. If I think of him at all, I'm mostly annoyed. And then I think about the sex and have to refrain from calling him. He, however, can not seem to stop calling, texting and IMing me. Seriously, buddy, I do not want to make small talk with you. I especially do not want to make it in text messages. But I am amused. It's as if it's last February all over again, with a 180° turn. It's like he's doing all he can to try and maintain my attention. And I guess it's working, because I am thinking about him enough to write this, but I don't think ti's the kind of attention he wants. I simply can not express how satisfying it is to be all, "la la la la, I don't care. Oh sex! Okay! Naw, not answering the phone when he calls the next day." I swear, I'm not doing it out of malicious revenge or anything. I don't hate him. I don't wish him ill. I'm just not at all on the dating track with him. The sex was really damn good though. I probably will mess up my amused aloofness by doing it again.
Still no word whatsoever from CK. I'm trying not to be bitter, but the entire lack of closure makes it hard. So, no, not over it yet, but hopefully soon. I'd at least settle for being able to see his name pop up somewhere and not feel an awful twinge in my heart.
So I was an hour late to work this morning after spending the night with HMP. I feel quite gratified, not just in the dirty sense, because while he is still potentially an insensitive jerk, I do remember now why I put up with it before. It's like our bodies were created by some mad scientist to fit and function perfectly together. Having been with him again, I have to say, everyone else I've had sex with in the last year, well their stock just went down a few points. There isn't much than can compete with how good HMP is. Or rather how good we are together. Too bad it doesn't really extend past the physical. But damn, he's hot, sweet and it was a night well spent. He tried to convince me to call into work and spend the day in bed with him, but I thought it best to get out of there as quickly as possible. I expect he'll call me in the next couple weeks, but I'm hoping to resist temptation, so let's all cross our fingers that he doesn't call when I've been drinking and am lonely, because that will be my undoing.
I was talking to the girls at work the other night, and defined basically what I need in a long term partner. When dating and in the early stages of a relationship, I do not need to be courted, flattered or charmed. I mean, it's nice and all, but I'm good with just hanging out, talking, and getting all those necessary mutual likes and dislikes on the table, and the stories of that person's history. That's enough for me. But as the relationship goes on that's when I want the romance. I want tiny surprise gifts just because he was thinking about me. I want to feel like he's really interested in me and how I think and what I am creating. At the end of the day I want to feel like he's dying to touch me and that he feels more complete having shared life with me. Obviously I want to feel the same way about him. No tall order, that. Heh.
Do you think real love can last throughout any distance, or will long distance end most relationships?
Submitted by Miss Joy.
HAHAHAHAHA! I am so not the right person to ask this question of right now.
Seriously, I don't think they all fail. I know several people who are doing it now, or have made it work them in the long run. Though in the long run, it generally stops being a long distance thing.
So HMP called me today. He's actually emailed a couple times recently, he's moving back to town tomorrow and looking for a place. I helped, gave him a couple names and numbers of places. I suspect he is still an emotional fuckwit and all but I have agreed to go have a drink with him. I need distraction and entertainment. He's super hot, he's a good kisser and I don't have to find out later that he's an ass because I already know. I figure the worst case scenario here is I have a drink with him and listen to him talk about himself for hours, best I get dinner and heavy petting out of the deal. Whatever. I mean, it's been a year. I was way into him back then, he wasn't that into me, my feelings got hurt a lot. Knowing what I know, I can still enjoy his company but I don't have to go any further than that emotionally.
I'm just bored. I mean, no, I'm insanely busy, but I haven't kissed anyone in a while and it sure would be nice. I really need to meet some decent guys who aren't married. Hell, I'd settle for gay ones at this point, at least they'd tell me I look fabulous.
I've opted not to respond to my stepmother. It's just a can of worms I do not need to deal with right now. I didn't even tell my mom about it when she called last night, as I just wasn't up to dealing with that fallout/bitchfest.
Valentine's Day is rapidly approaching with no prospects but some pointed comments from the yuckier patrons at the bar. I've never made a big deal about the day. I've never dated anyone who really did much for me--my ex-husband once brought me flowers, but I found out later they'd been sent to his work for a co-worker whose daughter died and no one wanted them so he gave them to me UGH. Generally it's not that big of a deal but this year I feel pretty bitter about it. Lonely anyway.
I swear every year or there's a week or two in which people just come crawling out of hiding. People I haven't seen in years and materialize right in a little clump.
This week I got two emails from two cute boys in two different bands I know. Sadly they live far, far away and so will have to continue to be my pretend band boyfriends. And then I got a an email from some one I haven't talked to in months asking if we were still friends in a somewhat confrontational way. Ack. And then a LinkedIn request from an old co-worker I seriously can not stand. And a handful of creepy MySpace propositions (those always seem to come in batches once every few months). I just feel vaguely dirty like I need to shower after the recent spate of emails.
Why don't I get emails from hot, smart guys who are like, "I've just realized I've been in love with you for years"? Naw, I'd probably think that was creepy too. I'd settle for being asked out by a nice, decent, hot guy, with a job and no emotional problems.
I don't have any trouble finding guys to date. I readily admit I usually pick the wrong ones. But honestly, the good ones all seem to be married or gay. Yes, I know, every single girl complains about that, but that's because it's true. I'm not asking for much: no facial disfiguration, a steady income, no crazy emotional problems or weird past relationship baggage. Are these guys out there? Do I intimidate them? Are they just a made up bedtime story for single girls, like leprechauns and all are for kids?
Um, got waylaid. This was about what's going on in the universe that people are crawling out of the woodwork. What will come next, surprise calls from my ex-husband? Or maybe a rich long-lost relative?
