19 posts tagged “wage slave”

I set out for work.  It's snowing. Yuck.  I expect it to be dead at work, but no, it's super busy, the bar is packed. I look good, BND from yesterday's post is supposed to meet me for a drink after I get off work around 9:30-ish.  We're busy.  It thins out. At 9:10 HMP walks in. Of course, because I couldn't have normal date with a nice seeming boy without some complications.  HMP's grandmother just died, he's going home tomorrow, and his boyhood friend has been threatening suicide in email all day. AUGH. And it's me he comes to. Which I appreciate, but still.  I get him a drink. DD tells me to just clock out she gets me a drink.  I chat with HMP for a bit and then my phone rings.  It's BND.  I'll just transcribe the conversation for you:

me: Hello?
BND: Is this Lucy?
me: yeah
BND: Hi, uh, this is BND, I think we talked the other night?
me (confused): we did, yes.
BND: Well I was so drunk I couldn't remember if I said I'd come meet you tonight or said maybe or what.
me: ...
me: I think we said maybe
BND: Well, I'm not going to be able to make it up there tonight.
me: okay
BND: so, well, talk some time soon?
me: no, you don't need to call me again
BND: okay sorry.
me: bye
BND: bye

REALLY? I mean sure, I'm glad I know he's a fucking idiot before I wasted any time on him, but REALLY? Not even smart enough to say he just can't make it, or something, anything else.  He was too drunk when he called me to remember what he said to me.  Awesome.  Another keeper.

So I got off the phone, told HMP the whole story and he amused himself by making other possible excuses BND could have used which was pretty funny.  Then HMP left and I hung out with some of our regulars and bonded with DD over the incredible stupidity of boys.  Then I scraped 2 inches of snow off my car and drove home.

Now, I sitting here staring at my MySpace inbox, which contains another message from CK.  I can't decide if I should read it now and risk being so pissed I don't sleep.  Or if I should just let it go and worry about it tomorrow, later, some other time.

Last night, hmm, I was going to say interesting, but it was better than that, though weirder.  DK came to visit me at the bar (yay for friends made through Vox!), it was very slow a perfect night for her to come out (except the music could have been better).  However mere minutes before she walked in HMP came in, so I got off early, sat down between them at the bar and drank with them. DK was great, funny, charming and cute as I would have expected.  HMP was his usual self which is a strange mix of charming, funny, moronically stupid, vaguely clueless, quite curious and somewhat sweet. HMP and I left sometime before 11 and went to another bar where he was oddly interested in me.  We had a conversation throughout which he was very earnest and seemingly genuine.  It turned to people problems they make for themselves or issues and baggage they bring from their past, and I asked him, basically, "so, if you're so smart and can read people, what are my problems?"  And he said, quite seriously, "you don't really have any problems."  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  After some discussion we agreed that I had problems, but owned them and was so straight forward about things that they didn't, at least initially appear to be problems.

I recently had a similar conversation with FF, in which she said that with most people, when they were insecure, you could usually see why, but with me I always seemed so together and smart and funny and attractive that it never made sense to her why I'd be insecure.  It's interesting because I feel so raw and exposed about my perceived shortcomings and my own issues, and yet apparently I do an excellent job of concealing them.  I wish could get a better picture of how other people see me, you know?

Anyway, after the bars, HMP and went back to my house, ostensibly to watch a movie.  Yeah that lasted about 15 minutes before he was all over me.  We had dirty, rough sex, then we had really sort of sweet, slow sex during which he kept telling me how beautiful I am and sort of clutching me against him in a vaguely possessive way. Then he didn't let go of me all night, which was kind of nice, but also sort of annoying.  I find I'm kind of ambivalent about the whole this morning.  Like the sex was good.  I liked hanging out with him yesterday, but I really am feeling like the situation has completely reversed itself from last year, where now I am only interested in him essentially for entertainment and I feel like maybe he's pushing for more.  I might be wrong perceiving the situation, but it just feels a little unbalanced, again, but not at all the way it did before.  I feel vaguely guilty for saying that he's okay for comfort until something better comes along, but that's pretty much how I feel right now.

There's this guy, we'll call him Married Drummer Boy (MDB), who plays at my bar a lot. I've seen him probably a couple times a week over the last couple months. He's cute. We started talking more and more about a month ago and I mentioned to DD that I thought he was cute.  She replied, "Sooooo cute, too bad he's married." Boo. So I wrote him off.  As you do.  Alas, I still see him all the time, talk to him often and man, why are all the good ones married?  Recently he's started touching me.  Just a friendly shoulder squeeze when he comes in, if I am too busy to say "hi."  I've complained before about unwelcome touching from guys, but this is welcome, but also friendly, casual and not at all icky.  When I talk to him he goes out of his way to ask me about my art projects, to bring up things from past conversations, to ask how my week was.  He was clearly very shy at first and is becoming more and more comfortable with me and friendly and funny and open.  I found myself laying in bed last wondering if DD was wrong, maybe he's not married at all, maybe she confused him with the bass player or something.  Hope springs eternal.  The things is, of the guys in his band that are married, their wives all come down and hang out occasionally, see the show, whatever.  In eight months, I've never seen his wife.  She exists, I'm sure she does, but man, it would be so much easier if I could talk to her and satisfy myself that he was happily married.  In the mean time, I'll keep hoping.

I feel tonight like I am on the verge, the threshold, of something. I'm not sure what exactly, but something good

I am without a boyfriend and I clearly acknowledged to myself today that I don't really like that.  I just want someone to curl up in bed with.  Someone to have breakfast with.  Someone to call and and tell all about my day.  Someone who is interested, who thinks I'm clever, who thinks I am pretty.  Someone I can call when I am sad.  Someone who will share the little and the big joys in my life.  I've been looking for this person for a long time.  There have been a lot of trials, but none have yet made the finals. CK isn't ever going to be that someone.  I have no current prospects.  I am okay with that.  I am lonely.  But not painfully so.  I will make cleanly through to whatever is waiting around the corner.  It'd be nice if love is waiting.  It's okay if it isn't.

Work is dreadful.  I love the bar.  If I could support myself just working there I would totally do it.  My day job feels like my secondary making ends meet.  I currently have the possibility of promotion.  Nothing yet in stone, but it could be more money, a few more hours, a slightly more flexible schedule and much better job title and responsibilities. When this becomes a firm offer (in about ten days) I think I am going to decline. I am currently on track to seriously look for another job.It's kind of a tough place to be.  The new position is actually pretty perfect for me and I think I'd like to do it.  It's just I have issues with my current boss, and while he would no longer be my boss, he recently hired a guy that I can not stand and the two of them together are simply unbearable.  No hyperbole.  No exaggeration. I just in all seriousness want to FLEE the room whenever the two of them are talking (or just whenever new guy is around).  And while I'd have a different boss, I'd still have to work with these guys at least 25% of the time and I just don't think I could take it.  So new job lurking just around the bend.  I expect it won't be easy because of my need for flexibility and my very requirements for a job, but I'm sure something is out there.

My roommate UN is moving out. This involves some financial shuffling, though no real damage on that front.  And since she's out of town, we'll probably (voluntarily, and gladly) do most of the packing for her.  But hey, WAY less stress, less household complications, and a whole room to sew, dance, exercise, work, dream or whatever in.

What I've had for the last few months: a relationship burdened by distance/lack of physical closeness; a job that I can barely bring myself to go into; a complicated, stressful living situation.  What I have waiting for me: wide open possibilities for love, joy and finding peace with myself; any number of interesting new jobs; a rearranging and resettling of my home into a place that's a pleasure to be.

I came home from the dreaded day job early yesterday.  Put in about 4 hours working on other stuff.  Emailed my closest friends and complained about how utterly tired I am.  Then I went to the restaurant.

It was a sort of writer's night and one of the girls playing managed to invited everyone she's ever met.  Leaving my bar filled with a normal, slightly busy Tuesday crowd plus about 40-50 college age kids from Hendersonville (in a room that comfortably holds maybe 75 people).  Mostly preppy suburban kids and a handful of middle class suburban kids pretending to be urban (by which I mean, hey middle class white girl, you are not in hip-hop video, give it up already). So the place was jam-packed, I didn't get out of there until 11:30.  I was already tired before I went in.  I came home and fell into bed.  Barely managed to get my make-up off.  I was gross and sticky (the air wasn't on in the restaurant and the bizarre warm temps and all the people meant it was about 90°F in the restaurant) but couldn't be bothered to shower.

After all that, of course this is the morning they start jackhammering next door at 6:32 am.  My first thought was, "Are you kidding me?" My second was to burst into tears.

Now I am at work, all jacked up on coffee and sugar.  I am skipping this afternoon's pointless meeting to take a nap.  I have a bunch of work to do (both in the office and at home), but I am going to bypass it in favor of my own sanity.

Also, despite the sleep dep and lack of make-up, I look really cute today which is entirely wasted on this office.

Last night, after work, I texted CK, saying that today sucked, especially since he was probably already asleep and I was just getting home and never got to talk to him yesterday. He replied that he was mostly asleep but awake enough to miss me a lot. Which was simultaneously very sweet and sort of heartbreaking, since I was laying there wishing I could curl up against him after a day like that.  I have mentioned 2,379,864 times before that the distance thing is hard.  Harder still I think now that CK is clearly as committed as I am and we both want this to work as serious, long-term thing, however, there is no end in sight to the long distance part.  I'm fairly certain I'm not moving to his city, at least not any time soon.  He's not at all interested in living in Nashville. Honestly, the only hope is for us to maintain residences in both places and fly a lot.  I guess I better start buying lottery tickets.

I'm tired.  I need a real vacation.  I need my bills paid.  I want my boyfriend.  I want a nap.

Next up in complaint land, how to deal with my mother's holiday visit without completely losing my mind before she even gets here.

Last night I had a night off from the restaurant.  Yet still I worked 14 hours yesterday.  And still I've a few hours worth of tasks I need to catch up on.  Of course who knows when I'll manage that as I'm at both jobs for the next four days.  All this and still barely making ends meet.

Remember how I said my job satisfaction was plummeting with my day job? Well, apparently the bad director is stepping down. Sometime in the next year.  Not soon enough.  In the meantime they laid off the only person I genuinely liked in the office.  Indeed the only person who was holding the organization together in any kind of competent way.  They are not replacing him.  Instead the already overtaxed, inept bad director is going to be taking over all the tasks. Maybe.  They don't actually have a plan. And finally, in January they are moving the office to a new location that I find objectionable, both for commute time and for my own personal, moral reasons.

I can not continue to work here.  Partly because the place is clearly going to fall into ruin and drag me down with it under a huge burden of work I wasn't hired to do and am not being adequately compensated for.  But also I've hit the point where I go on autopilot every morning and come into work without thinking at all, because if I dwell on it, I burst into tears and no one needs that first thing in the morning.

I don't know what to do.  "Find a new job as fast possible," is the obvious answer, but that easier said than done in the two weeks before Xmas or right around the new year.  I have some idea of what I want to do, or where I want to be, but no idea how to go about getting into those positions.

Part of the problem is that I'm inadequately experienced for this city.  I've either way, WAY overqualified for jobs I'd want, which then don't pay enough, or I can get jobs that I'm actually a little underqualified for (for lack of better candidate pool) and be paid well, but then I'd be working more than I am now and I'm already drowning.

I'm really, very smart.  I have a very broad range of work experience.  I'm good at most every thing I put my mind too.  I have excellent references. Why can't I seem to find myself in a satisfactory work position?  My mom says I'm sabotaging myself.  But I think that's only because I don't want the kind of jobs she thinks I should have.

I need more money.  I can't work any harder than I already am, there simply aren't enough hours in the day.  I can't figure out how to get someplace better, there just isn't time to devote to that. I'm not above asking for help, but I don't really even know who to ask.  I feel stuck.  Really, really stuck.

I didn't do much in the way of Halloween.  Worked last night and it was pretty slow, but not bad.  The music was great and a guy I know came in as I was getting off shift.  He tours with a pretty popular band and has been out on the road for a while.  He was chatty and sometimes I forget what a great guy he is.  So we ended up talking for a couple hours, I bitched a lot about work and got kind of an awesome lead on that front.  I'm not going to comment on it because I am superstitious about some strange things, but if you have any prayers, good thoughts or your own good luck to spare, please send it my way!  Plus it was just a nice mellow night hanging out in good company, which is always awesome.

It seems like a good portion of my adult life has been me sitting up every couple years and saying, "man, I really don't like my job, how can I get myself into something I really want to be doing and enjoy?"  I do believe I get a little bit closer with each career step, but it's slow going.  Slowed also by the fact that what I really want to be doing changes every few years as well. I'm hindered as well by financial concerns, in a sort of you need money to make money kind of way. Can't get my own ventures off the ground without capital.  Alas.

Mostly though, the problem is that I'm waiting for whatever the right thing is going to be.  Like literally waiting for someone to show up and say, "hey, we've been looking for someone with your skill set to come do X thing that you've never even thought of before."  This isn't as lazy as it sounds.  I have been actively positioning myself around people in fields I want to work in and meeting people and discovering the existence of many jobs I'd never even considered the existence of.  I'm sure there's something out there for me that is a great fit that I haven't yet stumbled across.

Also, I'm willing to do pretty much anything for money, though that doesn't always work out for me. The chairman of our board at my day job is a guy I should see him almost never, however he's old, retired and bored and so he's in the office at least three days a week, calls me every day (some times up to 7 or 8 times) to see what's going on and generally makes me insane.  He's very nice, sweet, and all but incredibly annoying and generally not helpful. (Like today he came in a left me a stack of letters to mail, which he printed at home, so now I have retype all the addresses for the envelopes. ARG.)

Anyway, he's been writing a book, that he's self publishing and the publisher wants it copy edited.  He called me at work at the restaurant (since I won't give him my cell number) to ask if I'd help with this.  I said I'd look at the draft and give him a quote for it.  He bugged me every single day for two weeks about it, I repeatedly replied that my actual job was keeping me busy, but I'd get him a time estimate and hourly rate quote as soon as I could.  I finally got around to looking at it the other night, emailed him a quote with a really reduced rate per hour for copy editing. (Most folks charge between $40-50 per hour for copy editing--not just proofing but actual hard copy, printer's marks copy editing, which is what he wanted--I offered him $20/hr.)  So I send him my estimated hours, amount per/hr, total etc.  And he writes back and tells me he's already over budget for this VANITY project and can't pay for copy-editing, but thanks anyway.

Um, WTF?  I mean, I was very clear upfront and the whole way through that I charged for this kind of work.  I have literally no time to do it out of the kindness of my heart.  I don't really even have time to do it period, but I'd make time for the money, you know?  I'm just really irritated that he spent so much time bothering me, to tell me, in not so many words, that he wanted me to do it for free.  This instance aside, the guy is making my job satisfaction plummet.  Not only do I have to micromanage the director, who does not take advice well, but now I have to babysit the Board Chair, both on and off the job.  Lovely.

As I said, prayers, vibes, whatever, toward me climbing out of at least my work mess would be so much appreciated.

So some random guy that I went on one date with last November has recently sent me a couple text messages and MySpace messages. I ignored them.  I mean, we had nothing in common, didn't keep in touch, didn't have, you know, anything, except a date.  Which while it wasn't a bad date, per se, we just didn't click.

Cut to today when he messages me, "so are you ever going to speak to me again?"  My first response was to internally scream, "Fuck you, you asshole.  What the fuck do you want from me?  I have four fucking jobs, I have friends, a life, way too much going on.  If you're looking for sex, the line to drop dead forms to the left, please cut to the front."  My actual reply was basically, "We have nothing in common, it's not that I'm not talking to you, it's that I have no reason too."

Two things about this.  First of all, what the fuck is wrong with guys? Why are only the idiots persistent?  (HMP is also still repeatedly texting me--dude, I'm never going to fuck you again, give up.) And why does their persistence make me feel slightly guilty? Like maybe I should be nicer, because they are lonely or something? UGH!  I have too much on my plate as it is. What is wrong with me that I can't tell off a guy I don't even like without feeling responsible and feeling like shit about it.

Secondly, I might be about to completely fucking melt down. Total disaster.  I fear that when it does happen it won't be me yelling at some guy who doesn't know better than to stop calling me.  It will be at my boss or my roommates or some place completely inappropriate.  Just the level of rage I felt at reading this guy's, "Why aren't you talking to me" bullshit was so incredibly out of proportion that I know I'm way closer to the edge than I even realized when I was writing yesterday's whiny post.

I need to step back, from nearly everything, and take a deep breath. Like, okay, I know I'm putting way too much pressure on myself about almost everything.  I know that to some extent it's actually work that's making me feel like this.  Like It's just so frustrating and I can't accomplish anything (through no fault of my own) and end up feeling like I'm not doing a good job, even though I'm doing all I can.  This feeling I totally let extend into the rest of life and it's making me feel anxious and angry way more than I should be.

I have more to say, but alas, my boss just got back from a trip and fixing what he left to the last possible minute is going to cut into my lunch time. Swell.

I am so fucking worn down.  I've been saying that for a long time, but it never seems to stop being true. I feel like I've been on an endless two steps forward, one step back track for a very long time. Which isn't, you know, getting me very far.

When I moved out here I didn't leave anything worthwhile behind (except, of course my family).  It was a fresh start, of sorts, with three things I really needed to resolve: my romantic life, my career intentions and my interpersonal relationships with other people.  Right now I feel utterly stuck in all of these things.

Romantically, well CK is great.  More than great, but you know there's the 800 miles away thing.  And it's all well and good that I'm totally into him and he he seems to really like me, but even if it works out (however that may be) right now the other two factors are affecting this.

Work is sucktastic.  I love my restaurant job.  If I could work twice as much there and make enough money to live on I would totally do it.  It would give me time to pursue my other plans.  But that's not really a possibility at this point.  The day job is slowly sucking my soul out, as day jobs do.  For a simple, part-time office job it's taking up more and more of my time, of my creative energy, of my ability to think.  I'm assured that once our major event is over (next week) it will scale back to being simpler.  But I didn't just fall off the turnip truck, man, I know that's not the case.  I'm over qualified for this job, and too competent. They know it now and there's no way it'll ever go back to being simple clerical tasks and mindless office work. Sure I can ask for more money, sure I can threaten to leave if they don't pay me what I'm worth for the work they are going to want from me.  But all that means is more work for me, and sure more money, but what good does the money do for me if earning it takes all the time away from all the things I want to be doing?  Because I do know what I want to be doing, I just need time and money.  Honestly I could probably even find investors or something, to start the damn thing up and pay myself, but even doing that takes more planning, work and time than I have the ability to do right now.  I'm stuck here, sucked down into a never ending loop of not having enough time or money to do what I want to do.  And yeah, this affects the possibility of making things work with CK, as I need more money to maintain a long distance relationship, and also more time off for travel. Two things which seem mutually exclusive at this point.  And if I can't get the travel aspect of it together, well there's no relationship.  So work more, earn to travel, try and get time off to go try and  have a real relationship.  Where I am work-wise, right now, it feels like this is just setting myself up for failure.

Sure, I could start looking for a different job, something better paying and more flexible.  It's not impossible, I guess, but it puts me right back at starting all over again.  And I suspect, puts my plans for what I want to really be doing, not just on the back burner, but off the stove.

Interpersonal relationships? I mean, you know, having friends.  Just fucked.  I know I put way too much pressure on myself here, but I can't help it.  By my own standards I'm just really bad friend to almost everyone I love.  I know I'm hindering myself even thinking about it this way.  For years the bulk of my Zen practice has been about letting things go and I can mange it, in some aspects of my life, some of the time, but not with my friends.  I don't call people enough, I don't visit enough, I don't devote the time I feel I should to making sure people know I love them.  I'm always too tired, too busy, otherwise occupied and I don't know how to solve this.  

I know what I want, I want to be more to my friends.  I want to be the girl who is really there when they need her.  I want to make them laugh when they are hurting, to shoulder some of their burden so they can walk lighter through life.  I want to bring people joy and comfort and encourage them to realize their own dreams.  I want to do for them all of the things I wish someone would do for me.

And of course my current living situation has me financially and emotionally beholden to two other people.  My sense of responsibility to them overrides everything else, at this point, to the detriment of my own happiness. FF moving down here is great.  I'm so happy to have her around, don't get me wrong, but it does limit the choices I can make in the next year or so about my own life, because I really do have make sure she's settled and happy and able to create a new life for herself.  And it's okay, I can work with that.  I need to be here to do the things I hope to do professionally, and she can even, possibly help with that.  We're even, we need each other, it's fine.

UN however is a weight.  She's pretty much incapable, despite what she thinks, of taking care of herself.  How she became my responsibility is irrelevant at this point, it's just how it is (the irony that she encouraged me to leave a similar situation back home and then saddled me with the same shit isn't lost on me).  She's insanely needy, clearly doesn't want me to be a relationship that she feels will a) take attention from her or b) will physically take me from her (make me move, etc). She's repeatedly expressed her abandonment issues and how everyone but me has abandoned her emotionally or otherwise (this is code for: don't you leave, bitch). She's managed to be such a complete flake that while she has some financial resources, she has no way of managing them, leaving me essentially giving her an allowance, taking care of all the bills and household expenses.  She relies on me for transportation (as she can get insurance in the US until she gets a US driver's license which she seems unwilling to do). In short, she's a burden on multiple levels. And I'm not sure how this balances out. I'm sure she thinks it balances out by her being such a good friend to me.  Which she is, she really really is, when she's not being smothering, needy or outright inconsiderate.

The obvious answers here are: remove myself from the UN situation and devote some of that energy to caring for my other friends; get a better, more flexible job and/or get my own plans in order and work for myself; and make all of that fit around CK, so we can have at least some semblance of real relationship, so we can see if this really is a thing, is the thing.

And while I'm not saying any of those things are outside the realm of possibility, they are all just very, very complicated right now.

What brought on this huge out pouring of my own crap?  CK told me last night that he was worried about me, about my health, that he felt I was over extended and not likely to stop being so hard on myself or stop over-committing myself. I'm not sure, exactly if he was simply saying he was worried, or that he didn't want to add to my stress, or that I'd have to get it together to make this work, or some combination of any or all of those things. In any case, his comment caused me to stay up half the night berating myself for not being where I think I should be in life professionally, personally or romantically. And yeah, the worry and anxiety over all of it isn't helping me.

I just wish I had better idea of where to start.  Make a list of the things most important to me and meditate on how to make those things happen?  Figure out how to remove roadblocks to my own happiness and start trying to break those down? Pick the few things I think I can fix and focus on those, while ignoring the other things until something can be done about them? No, actually I've been sort of doing that last one and it isn't helping much, though it has caused me to focus a little more on being healthier, in terms of my diet and how I'm living, so that's good I guess.

I was really hoping that writing this all out would make it clearer, but really I don't feel any less overwhelmed.  Indeed, if anything I feel worse now.  I need a plan to make all my other plans work, and there's just so much other work to do, so many other things to worry about. Ack.

So I'm about to click "buy" to get my plane ticket to spend a long weekend with CK.  And something flashes in my mind, so off I go to check the calendar.  And, lo, indeed, the weekend we picked is probably right when I'll have my next period.  So I sent him what was hopefully a casually worded email explaining the inconvenience and asking if he wanted to reschedule. He did, but then after some conversation with my girlfriends and considering alternate dates, I decided the original dates were the safest of the current possibilities. But really, universe, can't you work with a little here?  This is hard enough as it is, being 800 miles away.  I don't need additional complications.

Also CK is making me a little insane.  He's not calling me. He did call me a couple days ago to tell me, specifically, that he wasn't avoiding me, that he was thinking about me, that he did want to talk to me, but just couldn't do the phone whenever I'd called before cause he was busy or whatever.  So I stopped calling.  Said he could call me at his convenience.  He has since texted me a lot, emailed me a lot (including sending lots of very sweet songs) and sent a few MySpace messages.  He's clearly interested in me.  Just I wish he'd call.  And then I fucking hate feeling this needy and desperate for reassurance.  It makes want to say "fuck this" about the whole thing.  Which is mostly because I'm stubborn, but AUGH!  It's like fucking high school.  Why must it drag out?  Why can't I just be secure enough to think, "I know he likes me.  We'll talk when it's convenient for both of us."

I'm sitting here at work listening to a playlist of all the songs CK has emailed me, including the one he wrote about me and several of this other songs.  It's actually kind of depressing.  Mostly it just makes me want him so badly, I can practically taste it.  But he's still 800 miles away. And although I can visit and vice versa, chances are he isn't moving here, and I'm certainly not moving there so begins the same endless stress loop of whether I should be investing anything in this at all. Of course every time I talk to him I'm more convinced that it's worth it.  So why doesn't he fucking call me already. GAH!

And really, I know the bulk of my stress is coming from work right now.  Day job is, again, asking WAY too much of me and I'm teetering on the brink of telling them to fuck right off. Really it's wearing into my outside work time and generally interfering in everything.  Why can't I just get paid to obsess over CK? I think that would be excellent work.